Competing

People, by nature, are competitive. Or perhaps I should qualify that statement and say American people are competitive.

Even armed with that knowledge, I was unprepared for the competition that is motherhood. It's a mostly subtle, unspoken battle that often begins as soon as you reveal a pregnancy. Oh? Wow, you're big! or Hmmm. You're so small. Even Are you sure it isn't twins? Other people will delve into what you're putting in your body. I wouldn't eat peanut butter...hot dogs...drink diet pop or caffeinated drinks.

Don't even get me started on the childbirth competition. Long labor, short labor, drugs, drug-free, Cesarean, upside-down.

It honestly took me until my second child was at least 9 months old before I realized I was probably doing just fine as a mom. The majority of the things that it feels like a competition about with regard to my children are out of my control anyway.

My daughter didn't get any teeth for 9 months. She wouldn't nurse. She only crawled on all-fours for about 2 weeks. Before that, she maneuvered herself by pulling herself along with only her arms. She didn't consistently use the potty until shortly after her third birthday.

All the while that I was mentally charting the areas my daughter lagged behind her peers, however, I was also taking note of the areas in which she was excelling. Her pincer grasp was fully developed by 6 months. She was using baby signs by 7 months. She was stringing 2 and 3 words together by 15 months. She completed 60-plus piece puzzles by herself at 3 years old and was completely night-time potty trained by 3 and a half (I can count the times she's had an accident on one hand.) She seemed to innately know how to be a good friend.

I realized that each child does things at her own pace, on her own timetable. Where some leap ahead in one area, others will excel in another area.

That's not to say that I don't still feel that competitive spirit. It still edges into my proud mother psyche.

I sit in a PAIIR class and hear of children who are potty trained at 2 or reading by 3 and remain silent because my son does none of these things. I want to take him home and give him a pep-talk. You can do it! I'd say and try to make him catch up to these other kids.

But I never do. Because I know he'll do it all.

When he's good and ready.

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Heather is mom to 2 children, a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 3. She's been attending PAIIR classes since her first child was 3 months old. She's currently in the process of growing another child so she can continue to attend PAIIR classes until 2013.