The New Normal

Today, I have officially been a mom of three for one whole year. We all survived together, in this too-small-for-us-now house, in the almost-too-small-for-us car, in my larger-than-I-ever-dreamed heart.

Midway through my pregnancy with D I started to second-guess the wisdom of having another child. My other two children were unruly and hard to manage. They were sensing the change that was coming in our lives, and while they looked forward to having a baby sister they also (I think) resented the sort-of implied knowledge that the two of them were not enough.

But the thing that kids don't (and can't) understand is that a mother wants for more children precisely because the ones she already has take her breath away. It is the wonder of knowing these perfect beings (perfect not in deed but perfect for that mother, their mother) and watching them develop and emerge from the shadow of that mother that makes her want to see the process continue anew; and to discover what new ways the process can unfold.

When the baby was born last May, my other two children were in love with her. She was little, she slept a lot, she rarely cried and most importantly...she didn't move. It was a lovely babymoon until about 6 months into her life when she started to crawl. Now she can get into their things and they don't much care for it. Of course all she has to do is smile her big, dimpled, still toothless smile and they turn back into puddles of submission. Anything the baby wants, she can usually get because they don't like to see or hear her crying.

I'm fairly certain this only works when the baby is at least 3 years younger than her siblings. It definitely didn't work that way with M and K and there are only 2 years and 7 days between them...although M did do her fair share of doting on K as well.

The bleary-eyed days of having a newborn are now behind me. My youngest baby is one today and I am looking forward to seeing how we will all continue to fit together, this family of mine. Each day D will show us more and more of her personality, her preferences, her foibles and we will all adapt just a little to make room for this new normal.

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Heather is mom to three, an almost 7-year-old daughter M, an almost 5-year-old son K, and Baby D who is 1 today. Sob!

Weeks

I’ve realized that I don’t know the weeks.

You know when you’re pregnant with your first child and someone asks you how far along you are? You answer, all giddy with the knowledge that you’re growing your baby: 24 weeks and 3 days.

You know. You know exactly to the day how far along you are.

The knowledge of the weeks continues once the baby is born. Any innocent inquiry to the baby’s age is met with: 16 weeks. 22 weeks. 34 weeks.

You just know. You keep track. The poor stranger that asked you the question is left to the math to try to figure out how old your child is, and you feel confident that you’ve given the most accurate response to the question.

With the second child, you still know the weeks of gestation, after all, you’re carrying that kid around and he’s bouncing on your pelvis and making you wonder what the H you were thinking about carrying another baby around for 40 weeks.

When people ask after baby #2 is born, how old he is, half the time you know to the week, the other half of the time you just round to the nearest half-month. Let’s face it, people don’t need that accurate information.

The third child? I was supremely happy to discover that I was finally pregnant. I counted down the days to my first OB appointment so that I could see that the being inside me was doing well and growing fine. After that first appointment? No, really after the thirteenth week, I lost track. People would ask how many weeks I was pregnant (obviously other pregnant moms or recently pregnant moms) and I would falter. I didn’t know. Often I’d just blurt out a number then go home and look at my calendar and discover I was further along than I had said I was.

Since she was born it’s no less a wonderful thing. It’s no less a joy to have an infant around our house. In fact, in some ways, it is the best time that I’ve had an infant around the house. She smiles, she giggles, she is easy to please.

If you ask me how old she is, however, I will round to the nearest half-month. Every time. Sometimes that might mean that I round up to the half-month before it’s actually warranted. To tell the truth, I have no idea whatsoever how many weeks old my third child is at any given time.

I can tell you that it doesn’t mean that I love her any less than I love her siblings. Love does, indeed, multiply with each child. However, the concept of time seems to fade with each birth.

One moment they’re babies, the next they’re going away to college.

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Heather is mom to three children (a 6-year-old daughter, a 4-year-old son and an almost 8-month-old daughter who is *cough cough* weeks old). When she's not cleaning up after her kids, she can be found blogging, making things for her etsy shop or sleeping...probably in that order.