I like being a “Mini Van Mom”

Being the month of November with the holidays quickly approaching I guess I take more time to reflect upon my blessings. The other day I was in such a rush trying to get dinner to a friend who needed help. I spent the day preparing dinner, continuing to put off my kids, which in turn escalated the behaviors that quite frankly nearly put me over the edge. Finally my husband came home and I walked out the door ready for a much needed break. I pulled out of the driveway in our minivan, which was unusually quiet. Why, I wondered, did I miss the voices of my children (when I am typically asking them to please talk quieter). The thought came to me that I like being a “mini van mom”…I appreciate that I have a car full of children, whose laughter far outweighs their screams. In reality I am so grateful for the ability to have children, I am so grateful it is possible for me to stay at home and be with them, even if I don’t tell myself that 100% of the time.

I have heard a quote that goes something like No other success can compensate for failure in the home. I truly believe that my children are the most important things I have to invest my time in right now. But I do find myself thinking, why am I not enjoying this more? Of course I am laden with guilt to even admit that there are some days that I am not enjoying motherhood as much as I should, but I have found comfort in knowing there are other parents out there that feel the same way.

All in all in the short car ride by myself (which really was good for me) I realized there is positively nowhere else I would rather be or nothing I would rather be doing than raising my children. I truly hope they can overcome my imperfections as a mother…because in the end there is no calling I could have that could be more gratifying to me.

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Lindsey Cantwell works long hours as a mother of three enthusiastic children; a 4 year old son (who is in PAIIR preschool), a 3 year old daughter, and a 3 month old son. She has been an avid PAIIR participant since the birth of her oldest son.

Be Kind!

As I brought this topic to my fellow PAIIR parents attention during a parent education day, I found that I was not alone in my feelings that other adults can be very rude with their comments to and about your children in public. I had no idea the can of worms that I was about to unleash at the meeting.

My simple story about another adult "correcting" my child in public was dwarfed in comparison to some of the stories that were revealed from other parents at the meeting. Now, don't get me wrong, if my child is misbehaving, I do not mind a little input from others as we all know that sometimes your child will respond better when the misbehavior is addressed from another adult. The thing that blew me away was how rude this particular adult was in correcting my child.

My daughter is going through a rather embarrassing stage of making little wrinkled up nose faces at children that she does not know. While walking by a table in a restaurant, my daughter proceeded to wrinkle up her nose at another little girl. The adult at the table whom I will assume was mom proceeded to look at my child with disgust and say "be kind" in a rather loud voice.

Now that doesn't really sound like anything that I should get all bent out of shape about. The thing that really burned me was that I was already in the process of correcting my child for her little stink face. As if that was not enough, the mother then turned to her two daughters without acknowledging the fact that I was still standing right next to my daughter at the table and proceeded to tell her two daughters, "That was extremely rude" and proceeded to use my daughter as an example of what rude behavior was.

I was furious. Hello there ma'am. Did you notice that I am still standing at the table with my "rude" daughter by my side? Her children were older than my then 3-year-old daughter, and I am quite sure that they were aware of the definition of rude. However, my child was only 3! She is still learning.

I quietly took my child's hand and left the building feeling angry, humiliated, and due to the fact that the woman never even acknowledged by presence, quite honestly like I was not a good parent. That interaction had deflated my confidence of being a good parent that quickly. I thought about the interaction over and over again. I was mad. Why was I so mad? Is is it that I think my child can never do any wrong? No. Is it that another adult corrected my child in public? No. Was it the way that she "corrected" my child in public telling my child to be kind and then proceeding to voice to her own children while we were still at the table how rude the behavior was? YES!!!

I'm never Johnny on the spot with quick and appropriate comments when someone catches me off guard. I am a processor. Looking back on the situation and sharing the situation with other moms and dads in my group made me realize that my feelings were appropriate for that interaction. I now feel that I would have an appropriate response for the woman. I would have simply asked her, Should we not lead by example?

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Nicole Rathbun is the proud mom to her son, a 6-year old kindergartner, and her daughter, a 4-year old preschooler. She is a big fan of the PAIIR preschool program and was honored to be asked to join the PAIIR advisory board this year.