Resolute

My kids are giggling uncontrollably and tossing a homemade beanbag back and forth. Their smiles are wide, their laughter infecting one another, egging them on.

I hear myself, tense, angry even, telling them to stop. Stop. STOP!

Their faces fall. The fun is over.

Why do I feel compelled to stop the silliness? I remember the mantra when my daughter was just two years old: Pick your battles. Was this beanbag game really a battle I needed to start? Probably not. They were being kids, playing a game . . . enjoying life.

I find it is always when my grown-up worries begin to overwhelm me that I try to stifle my children more. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Do I really want to add controlling everything my kids do to my long list of things to do today?

Pick your battles. Let your kids be kids.

My tone of voice often is cranky when I speak to my children. It doesn’t matter that I am tired. If I want my kids to speak to me pleasantly, I need to speak to them pleasantly.

I find myself irritated when my children ask me for more toys, yet I am the one who has given them much of what they have. I have taught them that if they are good at the store, mommy will buy them something. They learned the lessons I taught them. It is clearly my issue.

I realize that most of the discipline problems that I have with my children originate with me.

I try techniques, suggestions, but then abandon them even if they are successful. They take time and I am impatient.

But now, while my children are still young, is the time that I need to put forth that effort. The time is now, while my children’s - and my - mistakes are small and result in, at most, a minor inconvenience.

So 2008 becomes my year to be a better parent . . . a more patient parent.

I resolve to pick my battles more wisely and let my kids have fun even when I’m stressed or tired.

I resolve to speak to my children in a respectful and pleasant voice.

I resolve to stop buying my kids something every time I go into a store.

I resolve to stick with the discipline that works, even though it takes time and effort. (To help me with this I have enrolled in PAIIR’s Love and Logic workshop.)

I resolve to feel better about myself as a parent.

What are your parenting resolutions?

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Heather is mom to 2 children, a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 3. She's been attending PAIIR classes since her first child was 3 months old. She's currently in the process of growing another child so she can continue to attend PAIIR classes until 2013.